I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
