He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
