I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize