She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
