TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
