Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
