dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
