we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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