forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
