I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
