Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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