Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
