the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
