They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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