Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
