you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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