i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
