3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
