it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
