She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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