I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
