I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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