I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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