he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
