apparently the secret to your success is patron
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
