I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
