Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize