Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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