remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
