His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize