I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
