My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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