I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
