i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
where am i from again
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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