i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
