This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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