I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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