It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
