A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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