You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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