The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
