They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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