I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
