I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm getting married
To pizza
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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