I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
