I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
