i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
