Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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