Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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