well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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