i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
