I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
