no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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