I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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