Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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