Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Two words: blizzard sex
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
