My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
