Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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