if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
