Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My cat gives me a boner
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
