you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
