So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
