I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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