1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize