It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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