hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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