you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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