I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
