If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
