We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
