He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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