he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
