i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
