More tranny stories later!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
