He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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