I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
