I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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