yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
