I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
