i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
